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Blog: My Experiences Dating as a Transexual Woman And Some Tips

Do you think that dating is hard? Try dating as a lesbian, demisexual, transsexual woman in her thirties.

We all need a little romance from time to time.  You are never too old to start playing the dating game.

Dating as trans is hard and often dangerous, but if you take good care of yourself, it can (and most likely will) also be super fun and rewarding!

*hey, you, if you want to go straight to the tips and skip my experiences dating, just scroll down to the sub titles. Otherwise keep reading. 

Also, I think it’s worth mentioning that I am demisexual, which basically means that I simply don’t feel any sexual attraction unless I have developed a strong, meaningful bond with somebody first.

Being demi is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it is bad because it limits my dating pool to a small number of women who only want to have a serious, committed, long-term relationship but, on the other hand, it is good because I don’t put myself up for casual dating and all of its potential risks involved (such as STDs, sexual abuse, rape, etcetera)

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against casual dating and open relationships. It’s just not my thing.

So I was ready to start playing the dating game, and because casual dating was not an option, no dating apps were involved. Only real-life, old-school dating! Yay!

I went to an LGBTQ bar almost twice a week for two months and after this period, which was quite amusing, to say the least,

 

I thought that if I could think of a few tips that would definitely cause a good impact and probably get anyone a date, Here’s my top 6 must have to date just about anyone you want.

1. Dress Appropriately And Keep A Good Personal Hygiene

This one should be a no brainer, but it is still surprising to see how so many beautiful people are turned down on dates because of an awful choice of clothing. This happens to both trans and cis ladies alike!

A regular woman in her thirties like me has to keep a discrete look, I wouldn’t go out with someone whose style and choice of clothing would make me feel a little bit embarrassed in public places.

Clothing and style are quite a big deal within the trans community worldwide, and it’s heartbreaking to see beautiful transgender ladies who get deliberately misgendered in public or treated badly (read bullied slash ridiculed) because of their poor, tasteless choice of clothing.

Unless you don’t care, the more out of the ordinary you look, the more eyes are going to set on you, and that’s when misgendering happens.

My advice would be to dress accordingly. Many, many transgender women go (badly) over the top with accessories and clothing, or dress like a petite 14-year-old teenage girl when they are 6’2” tall and a large build.

Big, tall ladies can be pretty too if they pick the right clothes for their body shape and size. Find out what looks best for your anatomy. There are plenty of fashion tips on sites like Pinterest and youtube where you can get ideas from.

As per personal hygiene. This is a big must. Personally, I am turned off by girls who don’t keep themselves well. It’s a personal preference, and I’m sure it’s the preference of a lot of people in the western world, too!

So, to recap: Dress according to your age, body shape, and size. Keep a good personal hygiene and good breath at all times! Avoid drinking alcohol,  and smoking during your date. Apart from looking awful, it gives you bad breath and most women don’t like to go out with someone who drinks, does drugs or smokes.

2. Be a little mysterious

But don’t go over the top either. While it’s true that no one likes a doormat, no one likes someone who ignores you for days on end either.  Being a little mysterious is not going to hurt. Play hard to get a little bit.  Get them interested in you, get them to chase you around a little. Trust me on this.

I understand that finding true love is a big deal in the transgender community, specially for straight transgender women who have to deal with fetishists and perverted men on a regular basis. However, because they want to fall in love so desperately they often blow it when they find the right match because they came off too strong or overly exited.

You need to like yourself, be comfortable with yourself. That will give you confidence. To get a confidence boost, try socializing outside social media more often. Joining an art workgroup, or a course on something are great ways to get you socializing with peers that have things in common with you other than your gender identity.

3. Be Genuine

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist in order to be interesting, well maybe a little. Just kidding.

While it is true that a lot of us are attracted to intelligent people, you don’t have to impress a woman in order to get her to like you. Just be genuine, even if you are the most monotonous, boring person in the whole world. So, to recap, if all you do is to draw pictures of snails on your sketchbook, you can still cause a great impression and make girl melt with the right delivery and body language. Be genuine.

 

4. Look interested, look in the eyes, but don’t stare.

When you are talking to your date, try to show yourself relaxed and warm. Look in the eyes, smile, show yourself human, vulnerable, let your soul be seen by your date.

DO NOT STARE.

Let me say it again: DO..NOT..STARE..

Staring can come across as mega creepy.
Also, try to show some confidence when you speak. there’s nothing more disappointing that someone who feels uneasy during a date. If you do feel nervous, which happens to all of us when the date is promising, just say it. Be honest about it, it’s endearing.

5. Don’t friendzone yourself unless you want a friendship.

Most people who complain about being consistently friendzoned by their potential dates are usually doing it themselves.

Yes, Seriously!

While there’s no magic recipe for seducing everyone you want, if you are getting friendzoned too often, it probably has nothing to do with your looks, your hygiene or your social status (although, like I said above, good breath, nice posture, nice clothes and accessories and a good attitude help) It probably has to do with the way you are introducing yourself, and how you are approaching your date.

Different cultures react differently to certain things, but as a rule of thumb, if you have a romantic interest in a girl, you better start flirting with her from day one or you’re only sending a very confusing signal that will only get you friendzoned if you are lucky.

Even if you are bad at flirting, just let your date know clearly what your intentions are. If you find yourself unable to talk during the date, write a note before you go.

6. When to move for the kiss?

This one is a toughie. I would advise you to try simple things like holding your date’s hands, stroking their skin, test the waters. If your date takes the hand away or feels rather uncomfortable, do not go for the kiss. Test the waters. Always test the waters.

 

Have you gone on dates as trans or are you going out on a date soon? I would love to hear about your experiences!! Tell me your stories in the comments section below!

By Ellie Hope
Ellie on Facebook and Twitter 

EDITOR NOTE:

Hi everybody 🙂 My name is Ellie and I am the founder and director of Girlthings News.

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Thank you so much!!!

Ellie Hope Crowe-Van Leeuwen.

 

 

 

Sense8 Finale is coming back to Netflix After Cancellation

Lana Wachowski has confirmed the return of the show for a 2-hour special finale

After getting canceled by Netflix, shortly after the release of its second season, Sense8 is now getting a last-minute stay of execution in the form of a two-hour special. It will air in 2018, as by its creator Lana Wachowski on the show’s Facebook page:

The facebook post received hundreds of thousands of likes and reactions as well as shares

It is believed that, despite the overwhelming amount of viewers that the TV show had received, the production cost was amongst one of the highest in the world, estimated at $9 million dollars per episode, which may have contributed to the cancelation.

However, at this point, and paraphrasing Lana, it seems like nothing’s been said and there’s a big chance we might see more sense8 in the future.

 

By Ellie Van Leeuwen for Girl Things (@elliehopeauthor on Twitter & Facebook)

Are Trans Lesbians Real Lesbians?

I came across a meme on the internet that read: “Trans lesbians are lesbians, get over it.” 

Copyright (C) 2017 / Pixabay

Are trans lesbians real lesbians? Seems like a no-brainer, but it’s a bit more complicated than that.

What is a real lesbian anyway?

Without falling into a game of semantics, we can all agree that a lesbian is a woman who is exclusively attracted to other women. Right?

There is no easy way to approach this topic, but as a transsexual lesbian, this is what I think, and I welcome everybody to share your thoughts in the comments section below.

Gender identity, just like sexuality, doesn’t develop overnight. It’s a lengthy process for the most part so, naturally, there will be people who know they are women inside, who are legitimately attracted to other women, independently of the way they look, and this is basically what being a lesbian means.

It doesn’t mean that other lesbians will perceive you socially as a lesbian, it only means that you believe that you ARE one.

The disagreement stems from the socially-perceived image of what a woman should be and, the most discriminatory one: How a woman should look like. 

The most radical lesbians have some high standards for what makes a woman a real woman, and therefore a lesbian woman, a real lesbian woman.

There are lots and lots of discriminatory standards, but the most common ones are:

  1. Real lesbians should have XX chromosomes
  2. Transgender lesbians should be passable if they want to be taken seriously
  3. Transgender lesbians should do a “full transition” (which is strictly referring to performing a vaginoplasty)

The problem with these three statements is that they don’t stand to logic, or any rational thinking, for that matter.

Now, to debunk some myths:

The chromosome excuse always struck me as some kind of half-bothered attempt at trying to exclude transsexual women from womanhood in a rather uninformed and childish way. As a neurobiology student, I can confirm (with tangible evidence) that the gender of humans is determined by a small region in the nervous system, which has nothing to do with whatever set of chromosomes you were born with.

Some people heard about the myth that all women are XX and all men are XY without knowing very well what a chromosome pair is and what does it do. I, in turn, know what a nervous system is and how it works.

The passing excuse is a bit far fetched and discriminatory on itself. Every time I hear this argument I think to myself: Who sets the standard?

 

When it comes to anatomy, I know a lot of cisgender women who are much taller, wider and masculine-looking than myself. Would you say that, for example, a super pretty woman like Taylor Swift is trans just because she’s taller than me? Probably not.

Would you say that Ellen Degeneres is trans because her voice pitch is lower than mine? or that Hope Solo is trans because she’s bigger and stronger than me?

So who sets the standard?

 

The surgical reconstruction of genitals is not ideal. This reconstruction is known, in the transgender world, as GRS or SRS, which stand for Gender Reassignment Surgery or Sex Reassignment Surgery, respectively.

These procedures do not convert masculine genitals into female genitals. These procedures eliminate the testicles, reduces the size of the urethra and converts the penis gland into some kind of clitoris, where in most cases, for all intents and purposes, works like a working vagina.

But transsexual women who perform any of these surgical procedures on themselves are not getting working female genitals. Science still has to come a long way until some major breakthrough in these procedures provides transsexual individuals with a working uterus and ovaries. Transsexual women who perform an SRS/GRS still need to shoot themselves with estradiol shots since their main organ for producing a sex hormone is gone, and they have no ovaries to produce oestrogen naturally in large quantities.

My advice, as a psychologist, and as a somewhat-experienced transexual woman, would be to simply wait. Upon doubt, just wait. We don’t know if, within five or ten years time, a fully working reproductive system will be a reality. Don’t settle for something you may not absolutely need when you can wait for better options. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you are incomplete because you don’t want or cannot get surgery in your private areas.

So if no vaginoplasty is required to obtain your woman card, no anatomy can determine what your gender is, and chromosomes are proven to determine sex but not gender, then who can tell, apart from yourself, what a real lesbian is?

If you consider yourself a woman, independently of your biology, and you are sexually and/or romantically attracted to other women, independently of their biology, then you are probably a lesbian, but then again, the decision is exclusively yours.

 

By Ellie Hope (@elliehopeauthor on Facebook/Twitter

 

 

Driver Who Ploughed His Car into Crowd, Killing 4 and Wounding over 20 “Wanted To Kill All Gays and Lesbians.”

The man stabbed his own brother for being gay and pushed his pregnant girlfriend out of his car, before ploughing his vehicle into a crowd.

Reuters

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA —  Four people, including a young child, have died after a car deliberately hit pedestrians in central Melbourne, police say.

At least 29 people were injured, among them a baby who is in a critical condition after the car hit a pram.

Police say they rammed the car, shot the driver in the arm and arrested him.

They say the incident was not terror-related, but is believed to be linked to a stabbing in the south east of Melbourne early on Friday.

The car ploughed into pedestrians in the Bourke St Mall, a busy shopping area, just before 14:00 (03:00 GMT).

Footage broadcast on local media captured moments before showed a maroon car driving in circles, with the driver leaning out of the window, in front of Flinders Street railway station.

Crime scene: A pram was found flipped where a two-year old and their mother were hurt

Police say the same man was involved in an an attack on his brother in the early hours of the morning in a Melbourne suburb.

It is believed he then went and took his own pregnant girlfriend hostage in his car. She was released before the driver proceeded to the city centre and started to hit pedestrians.

The police say the man is known to them, and has a long history of family violence, drug issues and mental health problems.

He was also charged at the weekend in relation to an assault.

The four people who died have not been named, but police say that among them were a man and woman in their 30s, and a young child, none of whom were related to each other.

The injured baby was three months old. Also among the injured was a two-year-old who is in a serious condition, and children aged nine and 12.

The attacker had posted on Facebook last week that he was leading a war against gays and lesbians.

The Premier of Victoria, Daniel Andrews, said the emergency services had “done us proud” in their response to what he described as an evil criminal act”.

“Our hearts are breaking this afternoon,” he said.

How to Spot “Fake News”

Follow Ellie on twitter (@elliehopeauthor)

“NEW YORK (AP) — The Pope has endorsed Donald Trump for president.”

“A Washington, DC, pizzeria is a front for a child sex abuse ring.”

“George Soros will “bring down” the U.S. by funding “black hate groups.”

 

These are just some examples of viral stories circulated on social media recently that are completely untrue. Facebook on Thursday announced some steps it’s taking to stop the spread of such “fake news” on its huge social network.

This includes working with outside fact-checking organizations and drying up financial incentives to what it calls the “worst of the worst” spammers that traffic in made-up stories. But there are basic things news readers can do themselves to spot fake news. And if you want, you can report them to Facebook, which can flag stories for fact-checkers to evaluate.

CHECK THE SOURCE

Some hoax sites, designed to draw you in for advertising revenue, feature designs that resemble legitimate, well-known websites. Such “spoofing” can be quite effective — but there are often telltale signs to indicate their true nature.

For example, you should be vary of articles on sites whose addresses, or URLs, that end in “com.co,” writes Melissa Zimdars, a communications professor at Merrimack College whose own list of “fake news” sites went viral. (She has since taken it down and published a more general guide .) You can also check the website’s “about” page, its list of contacts, and other stories and photos on it. Poke around a little; if things look less-than-official, you’re probably on a spoof site.

GRAMMAR AND EMOTIONS

Random use of ALL CAPS? Lots of exclamation points? Does it make sense when you read it out loud? Can you imagine a TV newscaster reading it out loud? Is there something just off about it? Does it sound very angry, inflammatory, emotional? None of these are good signs.

POKE AROUND FOR OTHER COVERAGE

If a story is real and really big, you will likely (though not always) see some version of it from multiple sources. Is it on sites like ABC News, The Associated Press, the New York Times, or other places you have heard of? Is it featured in your local newspaper, the one printed on actual paper?

Let’s put it this way: If the pope actually endorsed Trump, you’d see it everywhere.

SOURCES, SOURCES, SOURCES

Anonymous sources can appear in legit as well as made-up news stories. But Googling the people who are named in a story is a good way to check whether the story itself is real. They might have a LinkedIn profile, or appear in other news stories, for example. Someone says they are a university professor? Google the name of the university. Is it a health study on a new cure for cancer? Look it up.

ON FACEBOOK

Facebook users often share articles without reading them. Don’t be that person.

Instead, click on the link and read the story before hitting the “share” button. If you believe a story someone shared is fake, you can post a comment, or report it to Facebook for outside fact-checking by clicking on the gray arrow on the upper right corner and selecting “report this post.” You’ll get an option for “It’s a fake news story.”

 

Source: AP

Cherokee Nation joins Native American tribes recognizing same-gender marriage

The tribe’s attorney general announced that The Cherokee Nation will now recognize same-sex marriages.

Shutterstock

Despite the fact that the Cherokee Nation was not bound by the U.S. Supreme Court’s marriage ruling, Cherokee Attorney General, Todd Hembree, announced that the tribe’s constitution “protects the fundamental right to marry,” and that the tribe has a history of “honoring same-sex [sic] unions.”

Prior to this ruling,  Cherokee law limited marriage to one man and one woman.

“A lot of time has passed since then,” said Chrissi Nimmo, an assistant attorney general for the Cherokee Nation, “And a lot of social changes have happened.”

Because the tribal court has declined to rule on the issue, and tax officials were asking how to handle same-sex marriages licenses issue by the state of Oklahoma, Hembree had to make an executive decisions.

Dawn McKinley and Kathy Reynolds, whose effort to obtain a Cherokee marriage license triggered the 2004 law banning same-sex marriage, said they were surprised by the ruling because Hembree had previously defended the tribe’s right to refuse the license as a lawyer for the tribe.

“We’re overwhelmed,” Dawn Reynolds-McKinley said. “We didn’t expect his opinion to go this way at all.”

Source: Tulsa Times / LGBTQNation 

Lady Gaga Showed Up At a Shelter For Homeless LGBTQ With a Car Full Of Gifts for For Them

Lady Gaga recently paid a surprise visit to NYC’s Ali Forney Center in Harlem, the city’s largest shelter for homeless LGBTQ youth. She showed up with a car trunk full of gifts for them.

“These children are not just homeless or in need, many of them are trauma survivors,” Gaga explains in a video broadcast on TODAY.

“They’ve been rejected in some type of way. My own trauma in my life has helped me to understand the trauma of others.”

Gaga showed up with a carload of gifts for the teens, who were shocked and grateful, to say the least.

“I love to give things to people who have nothing or less than me,” said Gaga.

“Kindness to me is an action of love, or a showing of love to someone else. I also believe that kindness is the cure to violence and hatred around the world.”

Watch the video below (Facebook)

Lady Gaga surprises LGBT teens

“I am no better than any of those kids. And I'm no worse than any of them. We are equal. We both walk our two feet on the same earth. And we're in this together.” – Lady Gaga #ShareKindness

Posted by Today Show on Monday, December 5, 2016

 

Hundreds of Argentinian LGBT People Step Down From Buenos Aires Pride 2016 Amid Concerns Over Differences Of Vision Within The Community

Hundreds of people within the Argentinian LGBTQ community are stepping down from participating in the Buenos Aires Pride 2016 event in light of the organisers using the event “to push their anti-government agenda.”

screen-shot-2016-11-25-at-21-28-46
BA City displaying the LGBT Flag in solidarity with the victims of the Orlando Massacre, earlier this year

While the whole purpose of pride parades around the globe is to raise awareness on LGBT issues, this may not be the case for Argentina’s biggest LGBT event.

Buenos Aires Pride organisers are advocating for the legalisation of marihuana, legalisation of abortion, and the immediate release of Tupac Amaru’s Leader, Milagro Sala, who has been arrested earlier this year in connection with an ongoing investigation on extortion of government officials, corruption, and misuse of public funds.

Conversely, some pride goers are stepping down –and encouraging others to follow suit, because, in their own words, they are feeling “used” by political organisations opposing the Macri administration. They also want to discuss topics that, however important, they have nothing to do with LGBT, and they think it will only cause unnecessary friction with people outside the community.

Magui, 23, from Buenos Aires, told us on Friday: “The reason why, at least up until today I decided not to go to Pride this year is because I don’t feel represented. While It’s true that in many events, in the past, many of the topics have had little to do with LGBT issues, at least they weren’t strictly political. They were causes I could relate to. This year, however, the topics are mostly about a political party in specific.”

“It is essential [for the integrity of the Argentinian LGBT community] that we have the support of the people outside the community.”

“Don’t get me wrong. I am pro-choice, I also think marihuana should be legalised, but these topics should be left for another rally. Let’s keep LGBT issues apolitical and free of these [unrelated] issues.” She added.

screen-shot-2016-11-25-at-21-55-02
Official Flyer for Pride Buenos Aires 2016 / marchadelorgullo.org.ar

 

The Argentinian LGBT community seems to be split between those who insist on having a strictly kirchnerista political stance and those who would rather work alongside politicians, independently of their ideology.

“I would like the LGBT community to bury the hatchet and work alongside all government officials, independently of their party and political ideology.” Magui said.

Argentina legalised same-sex marriage in the year 2010, thus becoming the first country in Latin America, the second in the Americas, and the second in the Southern Hemisphere to allow same-sex marriage nationwide.

In the year 2012, Argentina passed a legislation known as the Identity Act, which allows transgender people to change their birth records and gender marker without reassignment surgeries or hormone treatments.

Despite being protected under law, LGBT people in argentina –most specifically transgender people, still struggle with the stigma, bullying, and there are many reports of transgender people struggling to find housing, jobs and quality healthcare.

According to the TDoR records, ten transgender women were murdered in Argentina in the year 2016.