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Blog: My Experiences Dating as a Transexual Woman And Some Tips

Do you think that dating is hard? Try dating as a lesbian, demisexual, transsexual woman in her thirties.

We all need a little romance from time to time.  You are never too old to start playing the dating game.

Dating as trans is hard and often dangerous, but if you take good care of yourself, it can (and most likely will) also be super fun and rewarding!

*hey, you, if you want to go straight to the tips and skip my experiences dating, just scroll down to the sub titles. Otherwise keep reading. 

Also, I think it’s worth mentioning that I am demisexual, which basically means that I simply don’t feel any sexual attraction unless I have developed a strong, meaningful bond with somebody first.

Being demi is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it is bad because it limits my dating pool to a small number of women who only want to have a serious, committed, long-term relationship but, on the other hand, it is good because I don’t put myself up for casual dating and all of its potential risks involved (such as STDs, sexual abuse, rape, etcetera)

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against casual dating and open relationships. It’s just not my thing.

So I was ready to start playing the dating game, and because casual dating was not an option, no dating apps were involved. Only real-life, old-school dating! Yay!

I went to an LGBTQ bar almost twice a week for two months and after this period, which was quite amusing, to say the least,

 

I thought that if I could think of a few tips that would definitely cause a good impact and probably get anyone a date, Here’s my top 6 must have to date just about anyone you want.

1. Dress Appropriately And Keep A Good Personal Hygiene

This one should be a no brainer, but it is still surprising to see how so many beautiful people are turned down on dates because of an awful choice of clothing. This happens to both trans and cis ladies alike!

A regular woman in her thirties like me has to keep a discrete look, I wouldn’t go out with someone whose style and choice of clothing would make me feel a little bit embarrassed in public places.

Clothing and style are quite a big deal within the trans community worldwide, and it’s heartbreaking to see beautiful transgender ladies who get deliberately misgendered in public or treated badly (read bullied slash ridiculed) because of their poor, tasteless choice of clothing.

Unless you don’t care, the more out of the ordinary you look, the more eyes are going to set on you, and that’s when misgendering happens.

My advice would be to dress accordingly. Many, many transgender women go (badly) over the top with accessories and clothing, or dress like a petite 14-year-old teenage girl when they are 6’2” tall and a large build.

Big, tall ladies can be pretty too if they pick the right clothes for their body shape and size. Find out what looks best for your anatomy. There are plenty of fashion tips on sites like Pinterest and youtube where you can get ideas from.

As per personal hygiene. This is a big must. Personally, I am turned off by girls who don’t keep themselves well. It’s a personal preference, and I’m sure it’s the preference of a lot of people in the western world, too!

So, to recap: Dress according to your age, body shape, and size. Keep a good personal hygiene and good breath at all times! Avoid drinking alcohol,  and smoking during your date. Apart from looking awful, it gives you bad breath and most women don’t like to go out with someone who drinks, does drugs or smokes.

2. Be a little mysterious

But don’t go over the top either. While it’s true that no one likes a doormat, no one likes someone who ignores you for days on end either.  Being a little mysterious is not going to hurt. Play hard to get a little bit.  Get them interested in you, get them to chase you around a little. Trust me on this.

I understand that finding true love is a big deal in the transgender community, specially for straight transgender women who have to deal with fetishists and perverted men on a regular basis. However, because they want to fall in love so desperately they often blow it when they find the right match because they came off too strong or overly exited.

You need to like yourself, be comfortable with yourself. That will give you confidence. To get a confidence boost, try socializing outside social media more often. Joining an art workgroup, or a course on something are great ways to get you socializing with peers that have things in common with you other than your gender identity.

3. Be Genuine

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist in order to be interesting, well maybe a little. Just kidding.

While it is true that a lot of us are attracted to intelligent people, you don’t have to impress a woman in order to get her to like you. Just be genuine, even if you are the most monotonous, boring person in the whole world. So, to recap, if all you do is to draw pictures of snails on your sketchbook, you can still cause a great impression and make girl melt with the right delivery and body language. Be genuine.

 

4. Look interested, look in the eyes, but don’t stare.

When you are talking to your date, try to show yourself relaxed and warm. Look in the eyes, smile, show yourself human, vulnerable, let your soul be seen by your date.

DO NOT STARE.

Let me say it again: DO..NOT..STARE..

Staring can come across as mega creepy.
Also, try to show some confidence when you speak. there’s nothing more disappointing that someone who feels uneasy during a date. If you do feel nervous, which happens to all of us when the date is promising, just say it. Be honest about it, it’s endearing.

5. Don’t friendzone yourself unless you want a friendship.

Most people who complain about being consistently friendzoned by their potential dates are usually doing it themselves.

Yes, Seriously!

While there’s no magic recipe for seducing everyone you want, if you are getting friendzoned too often, it probably has nothing to do with your looks, your hygiene or your social status (although, like I said above, good breath, nice posture, nice clothes and accessories and a good attitude help) It probably has to do with the way you are introducing yourself, and how you are approaching your date.

Different cultures react differently to certain things, but as a rule of thumb, if you have a romantic interest in a girl, you better start flirting with her from day one or you’re only sending a very confusing signal that will only get you friendzoned if you are lucky.

Even if you are bad at flirting, just let your date know clearly what your intentions are. If you find yourself unable to talk during the date, write a note before you go.

6. When to move for the kiss?

This one is a toughie. I would advise you to try simple things like holding your date’s hands, stroking their skin, test the waters. If your date takes the hand away or feels rather uncomfortable, do not go for the kiss. Test the waters. Always test the waters.

 

Have you gone on dates as trans or are you going out on a date soon? I would love to hear about your experiences!! Tell me your stories in the comments section below!

By Ellie Hope
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Driver Who Ploughed His Car into Crowd, Killing 4 and Wounding over 20 “Wanted To Kill All Gays and Lesbians.”

The man stabbed his own brother for being gay and pushed his pregnant girlfriend out of his car, before ploughing his vehicle into a crowd.

Reuters

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA —  Four people, including a young child, have died after a car deliberately hit pedestrians in central Melbourne, police say.

At least 29 people were injured, among them a baby who is in a critical condition after the car hit a pram.

Police say they rammed the car, shot the driver in the arm and arrested him.

They say the incident was not terror-related, but is believed to be linked to a stabbing in the south east of Melbourne early on Friday.

The car ploughed into pedestrians in the Bourke St Mall, a busy shopping area, just before 14:00 (03:00 GMT).

Footage broadcast on local media captured moments before showed a maroon car driving in circles, with the driver leaning out of the window, in front of Flinders Street railway station.

Crime scene: A pram was found flipped where a two-year old and their mother were hurt

Police say the same man was involved in an an attack on his brother in the early hours of the morning in a Melbourne suburb.

It is believed he then went and took his own pregnant girlfriend hostage in his car. She was released before the driver proceeded to the city centre and started to hit pedestrians.

The police say the man is known to them, and has a long history of family violence, drug issues and mental health problems.

He was also charged at the weekend in relation to an assault.

The four people who died have not been named, but police say that among them were a man and woman in their 30s, and a young child, none of whom were related to each other.

The injured baby was three months old. Also among the injured was a two-year-old who is in a serious condition, and children aged nine and 12.

The attacker had posted on Facebook last week that he was leading a war against gays and lesbians.

The Premier of Victoria, Daniel Andrews, said the emergency services had “done us proud” in their response to what he described as an evil criminal act”.

“Our hearts are breaking this afternoon,” he said.

Pakistan: Transgender Population To be Counted In Population Census For The First Time

For the first time in the history of Pakistan, the population census will recognise and count Pakistani transgender people

The Lahore High Court on Monday instructed the federal government, National Database and Registration Authority (Nadra) and the interior ministry to include the transgender community in the census while hearing a petition filed by a transgender individual Waqar Ali in November 2016.

Ali in his petition had called for the enforcement of the community’s fundamental rights, including enrolment in the upcoming census and issuance of national identity cards specifying their gender.

A deputy attorney general from the federal government was present in court during the hearing and assured the court that the transgender community will indeed be part of the upcoming census.

RELATED: Pakistan Passed law Allowing Transgender People to Legally Marry under Islamic Law

Ali’s petition, filed through Advocate Sheraz Zaka, had pleaded that the transgender community in Pakistan has been marginalised, citing an event witnessed in Sialkot where a transgender was tortured.

Pakistan’s sixth population census will begin on March 15, 2017.

Paving The Way for Transgender Rights: Remembering Compton’s Cafeteria Riot

The Compton’s Cafeteria Riot occurred in August 1966 in San Francisco. This incident was one of the first recorded transgender riots in US history, preceding the more famous 1969 Stonewall Riots in New York City.

Compton’s Cafeteria was one of a chain of cafeterias in San Francisco from the 1940s to the 1970s. The Tenderloin location of Compton’s at 101, open from 1954 to 1972, was one of the few places where transgender people could congregate publicly in the city, because they were unwelcome in gay bars.


In addition, the cafeteria was open all hours until the riots occurred. Most of the fights occurred from 2-3 am so they were forced to close at midnight. Because cross-dressing was illegal at the time, police could use the presence of transgender people in a bar as a pretext for making a raid and closing the bar.

Many of the militant hustlers and street queens involved in the riot were members of Vanguard, the first known gay youth organization in the United States, which had been organized earlier that year with the help of radical ministers working with Glide Memorial Church, a center for progressive social activism in the Tenderloin for many years. A lesbian group of street people was also formed called the Street Orphans.

 

In the 1960s the Compton’s Cafeteria staff began to call the police to crack down on transgender and transsexual individuals, who would frequent the restaurant. In response to police arrests, the transgender and transsexual community launched a picket of Compton’s Cafeteria. Although the picket was unsuccessful, it was one of the first demonstrations against transgender and transsexual violence in San Francisco. On the first night of the riot, the management of Compton’s called the police when some transgender customers became raucous.

In the 50’s and 60’s police officers were known to mistreat transgender people. When one of these known officers attempted to arrest one of the trans women, she threw her coffee in his face. At that point the riot began, dishes and furniture were thrown, and the restaurant’s plate-glass windows were smashed. Police called for reinforcements as the fighting spilled into the street, where a police car had all its windows broken out and a sidewalk newsstand was burned down. The exact date of the riot is unknown because 1960 police records no longer exist and the riot was not covered by newspapers.

BREAKING: MALTA becomes the first country in the world to ban “Gay Conversion” Therapy

Malta has become the first country in the world to outlaw Gay conversion therapy, with parliament this evening passing a Bill that criminalises any practice which seeks to change or repress a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity.

The Affirmation of Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity and Gender Expression Bill imposes fines and jail terms for anyone advertising, offering, performing or referring an individual to another person which performs any form of conversion practice.

In addition, the Bill affirms that no sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression constitutes a disorder, disease or shortcoming of any sort.

Earlier this year, a Church position paper had stirred up controversy after its authors had argued that a ban on gay conversion therapy would violate a person’s right to receive treatment from a health professional.

Archbishop Charles Scicluna brought tranquility to the population saying that any therapy that would go against people’s wishes was “a no go”.

Non-Maltese prisoners and others kept in gender-segregated facilities can now live according to their gender identity, with parliament also passing a Bill recognising their right to self-identify their gender.

Amendments to the Gender Identity, Gender Expression and Sex Characteristics Act will also allow 16-year-olds to independently request a change in gender on official documents. Previously, the age limit was 18, with minors forced to file an application in court with the approval of their parents or guardians.

 

Source: Timesofmalta

The Pearl Of Africa: A Story About The Struggles Of A Transgender Woman Living Full Time As Trans In Uganda

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Cleopatra Kambugu, 27, The First Ugandan Transgender Woman To dare to tell her story.

The film, set in Uganda, a small land-locked country in the East African Sub region, tells us the story of Cleopatra, a 27-year-old student who came out as transgender and lives full time, in a country that  struggles to recognise, appreciate, reconcile, protect and celebrate this diversity, and has instead condemned and abused this diversity and left it for dead.

In the film we get to learn about her through her multiple identities, as a transgender woman, a daughter, a sibling, an activist, a Ugandan, and an African. A woman who seeks to shine light on the underlying current of her gender identity.

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As one of the very few openly trans women in Uganda, and in all of Africa, Cleo faces any number of challenges to freedom, but she’s luckier than most. She was able to travel to Thailand for her gender reassignment surgery, though her native Uganda does not recognize her as female. That comes with its own set of problems, particularly when traveling, or trying to secure healthcare.

Creating a beacon of hope for her fellow transgender counterparts, we follow her as she writes the story of her life as a transgender woman; not as a disability, not as a psychopathology, not as an inadequacy, or a phase, but as a legitimate identity in our humanity that has for long been shrouded in darkness and misunderstood.

Unlike many films that explore themes related to human rights, The Pearl of Africa focuses on telling a universal love story in an extreme circumstance.

Read more on thepearlofafrica.tv

New York Lawmaker Proposes ‘PENCE’ Bill Banning Gay Conversion Therapy

Patrick Burke, a legislator in New York’s Erie County, proposed a bill this week that would ban conversion therapy for minors. The proposed law would only affect Burke’s county, which includes the Buffalo-Niagara Falls metropolitan area, but the bill has garnered national attention because of its name: Prevention of Emotional Neglect and Childhood Endangerment—or PENCE, for short.

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David Burke / Erie County Legislature

 

Burke named the bill after Vice President-elect Mike Pence in order to draw attention to Pence’s stated support of programs that would attempt to change the sexual orientation or gender identity of LGBTQ people.

“Conversion therapy is an abomination. It is clearly abuse. It’s brainwashing. It does real damage. Even calling it conversion therapy takes the edge off of what it really is,” Burke told NBC OUT.

“The Vice President-elect has been a supporter of this, and he’s earned the name. People need to remember this. Mike Pence’s views are extreme. I don’t want them to become normalized. This isn’t normal—none of this is OK. We have work to do,” he added.
Read the full article on NBC Out

Source: NBC News 

NC Governor Blames Liberals for HB2

Pat McCrory, far from admitting that the anti-transgender legislation was a big mistake, now blames it on the Democratic Party.

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NC Governor Pat McCrory strongly opposes Transgender Rights and, in his own words, ‘this new idea of gender expression.’ / NBC News / Screen Capture

 — Gov. Pat McCrory blamed the anti-lgbt discriminatory legislation known as House Bill 2, or HB2, on Liberals.

During a press conference, he blamed Attorney General Roy Cooper, and Charlotte Mayor, Jennifer Roberts over HB2, saying that he had no choice but to create this legislation, in response to Charlotte passing a pro-LGBT ordinance that required private businesses to allow transgender individuals to use the bathroom of their choice.

During the conference, McCrory said: “The state of North Carolina, the City of Charlotte and especially small businesses were being used as a pawns by Roy Cooper, by the mayor of Charlotte and by the Democratic Party on an issue that was made up purely for political purposes and to raise money,”

“You might need to ask the mayor of Charlotte and Roy Cooper that brought up this question, not the right.”

RELATED: Hurricane Hits and Record Floods NC, Leaves Many Dead, but Governor Pat McCrory keeps Using Public Funds To Discriminate against Transgender Women

Then he charged against media, saying: “The media, both the statewide media and the national media, give the clear impression it was the right that created the bathroom rules.”

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Most residents in the state of North Carolina are in favour of repealing the discriminatory legislation / WRAL.COM

That may be because a Republican-controlled legislature called themselves back into a special session to pass the law in one day. McCrory, a Republican, signed the measure the same day.

RELATED: Republican Texas Lt. Governor Wants Anti-Transgender Bathroom Legislation.

Source: Washington Post / WRAL.com