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Blog: My Experiences Dating as a Transexual Woman And Some Tips

Do you think that dating is hard? Try dating as a lesbian, demisexual, transsexual woman in her thirties.

We all need a little romance from time to time.  You are never too old to start playing the dating game.

Dating as trans is hard and often dangerous, but if you take good care of yourself, it can (and most likely will) also be super fun and rewarding!

*hey, you, if you want to go straight to the tips and skip my experiences dating, just scroll down to the sub titles. Otherwise keep reading. 

Also, I think it’s worth mentioning that I am demisexual, which basically means that I simply don’t feel any sexual attraction unless I have developed a strong, meaningful bond with somebody first.

Being demi is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it is bad because it limits my dating pool to a small number of women who only want to have a serious, committed, long-term relationship but, on the other hand, it is good because I don’t put myself up for casual dating and all of its potential risks involved (such as STDs, sexual abuse, rape, etcetera)

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against casual dating and open relationships. It’s just not my thing.

So I was ready to start playing the dating game, and because casual dating was not an option, no dating apps were involved. Only real-life, old-school dating! Yay!

I went to an LGBTQ bar almost twice a week for two months and after this period, which was quite amusing, to say the least,

 

I thought that if I could think of a few tips that would definitely cause a good impact and probably get anyone a date, Here’s my top 6 must have to date just about anyone you want.

1. Dress Appropriately And Keep A Good Personal Hygiene

This one should be a no brainer, but it is still surprising to see how so many beautiful people are turned down on dates because of an awful choice of clothing. This happens to both trans and cis ladies alike!

A regular woman in her thirties like me has to keep a discrete look, I wouldn’t go out with someone whose style and choice of clothing would make me feel a little bit embarrassed in public places.

Clothing and style are quite a big deal within the trans community worldwide, and it’s heartbreaking to see beautiful transgender ladies who get deliberately misgendered in public or treated badly (read bullied slash ridiculed) because of their poor, tasteless choice of clothing.

Unless you don’t care, the more out of the ordinary you look, the more eyes are going to set on you, and that’s when misgendering happens.

My advice would be to dress accordingly. Many, many transgender women go (badly) over the top with accessories and clothing, or dress like a petite 14-year-old teenage girl when they are 6’2” tall and a large build.

Big, tall ladies can be pretty too if they pick the right clothes for their body shape and size. Find out what looks best for your anatomy. There are plenty of fashion tips on sites like Pinterest and youtube where you can get ideas from.

As per personal hygiene. This is a big must. Personally, I am turned off by girls who don’t keep themselves well. It’s a personal preference, and I’m sure it’s the preference of a lot of people in the western world, too!

So, to recap: Dress according to your age, body shape, and size. Keep a good personal hygiene and good breath at all times! Avoid drinking alcohol,  and smoking during your date. Apart from looking awful, it gives you bad breath and most women don’t like to go out with someone who drinks, does drugs or smokes.

2. Be a little mysterious

But don’t go over the top either. While it’s true that no one likes a doormat, no one likes someone who ignores you for days on end either.  Being a little mysterious is not going to hurt. Play hard to get a little bit.  Get them interested in you, get them to chase you around a little. Trust me on this.

I understand that finding true love is a big deal in the transgender community, specially for straight transgender women who have to deal with fetishists and perverted men on a regular basis. However, because they want to fall in love so desperately they often blow it when they find the right match because they came off too strong or overly exited.

You need to like yourself, be comfortable with yourself. That will give you confidence. To get a confidence boost, try socializing outside social media more often. Joining an art workgroup, or a course on something are great ways to get you socializing with peers that have things in common with you other than your gender identity.

3. Be Genuine

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist in order to be interesting, well maybe a little. Just kidding.

While it is true that a lot of us are attracted to intelligent people, you don’t have to impress a woman in order to get her to like you. Just be genuine, even if you are the most monotonous, boring person in the whole world. So, to recap, if all you do is to draw pictures of snails on your sketchbook, you can still cause a great impression and make girl melt with the right delivery and body language. Be genuine.

 

4. Look interested, look in the eyes, but don’t stare.

When you are talking to your date, try to show yourself relaxed and warm. Look in the eyes, smile, show yourself human, vulnerable, let your soul be seen by your date.

DO NOT STARE.

Let me say it again: DO..NOT..STARE..

Staring can come across as mega creepy.
Also, try to show some confidence when you speak. there’s nothing more disappointing that someone who feels uneasy during a date. If you do feel nervous, which happens to all of us when the date is promising, just say it. Be honest about it, it’s endearing.

5. Don’t friendzone yourself unless you want a friendship.

Most people who complain about being consistently friendzoned by their potential dates are usually doing it themselves.

Yes, Seriously!

While there’s no magic recipe for seducing everyone you want, if you are getting friendzoned too often, it probably has nothing to do with your looks, your hygiene or your social status (although, like I said above, good breath, nice posture, nice clothes and accessories and a good attitude help) It probably has to do with the way you are introducing yourself, and how you are approaching your date.

Different cultures react differently to certain things, but as a rule of thumb, if you have a romantic interest in a girl, you better start flirting with her from day one or you’re only sending a very confusing signal that will only get you friendzoned if you are lucky.

Even if you are bad at flirting, just let your date know clearly what your intentions are. If you find yourself unable to talk during the date, write a note before you go.

6. When to move for the kiss?

This one is a toughie. I would advise you to try simple things like holding your date’s hands, stroking their skin, test the waters. If your date takes the hand away or feels rather uncomfortable, do not go for the kiss. Test the waters. Always test the waters.

 

Have you gone on dates as trans or are you going out on a date soon? I would love to hear about your experiences!! Tell me your stories in the comments section below!

By Ellie Hope
Ellie on Facebook and Twitter 

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Driver Who Ploughed His Car into Crowd, Killing 4 and Wounding over 20 “Wanted To Kill All Gays and Lesbians.”

The man stabbed his own brother for being gay and pushed his pregnant girlfriend out of his car, before ploughing his vehicle into a crowd.

Reuters

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA —  Four people, including a young child, have died after a car deliberately hit pedestrians in central Melbourne, police say.

At least 29 people were injured, among them a baby who is in a critical condition after the car hit a pram.

Police say they rammed the car, shot the driver in the arm and arrested him.

They say the incident was not terror-related, but is believed to be linked to a stabbing in the south east of Melbourne early on Friday.

The car ploughed into pedestrians in the Bourke St Mall, a busy shopping area, just before 14:00 (03:00 GMT).

Footage broadcast on local media captured moments before showed a maroon car driving in circles, with the driver leaning out of the window, in front of Flinders Street railway station.

Crime scene: A pram was found flipped where a two-year old and their mother were hurt

Police say the same man was involved in an an attack on his brother in the early hours of the morning in a Melbourne suburb.

It is believed he then went and took his own pregnant girlfriend hostage in his car. She was released before the driver proceeded to the city centre and started to hit pedestrians.

The police say the man is known to them, and has a long history of family violence, drug issues and mental health problems.

He was also charged at the weekend in relation to an assault.

The four people who died have not been named, but police say that among them were a man and woman in their 30s, and a young child, none of whom were related to each other.

The injured baby was three months old. Also among the injured was a two-year-old who is in a serious condition, and children aged nine and 12.

The attacker had posted on Facebook last week that he was leading a war against gays and lesbians.

The Premier of Victoria, Daniel Andrews, said the emergency services had “done us proud” in their response to what he described as an evil criminal act”.

“Our hearts are breaking this afternoon,” he said.

Pakistan: Transgender Population To be Counted In Population Census For The First Time

For the first time in the history of Pakistan, the population census will recognise and count Pakistani transgender people

The Lahore High Court on Monday instructed the federal government, National Database and Registration Authority (Nadra) and the interior ministry to include the transgender community in the census while hearing a petition filed by a transgender individual Waqar Ali in November 2016.

Ali in his petition had called for the enforcement of the community’s fundamental rights, including enrolment in the upcoming census and issuance of national identity cards specifying their gender.

A deputy attorney general from the federal government was present in court during the hearing and assured the court that the transgender community will indeed be part of the upcoming census.

RELATED: Pakistan Passed law Allowing Transgender People to Legally Marry under Islamic Law

Ali’s petition, filed through Advocate Sheraz Zaka, had pleaded that the transgender community in Pakistan has been marginalised, citing an event witnessed in Sialkot where a transgender was tortured.

Pakistan’s sixth population census will begin on March 15, 2017.

NC Governor Blames Liberals for HB2

Pat McCrory, far from admitting that the anti-transgender legislation was a big mistake, now blames it on the Democratic Party.

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NC Governor Pat McCrory strongly opposes Transgender Rights and, in his own words, ‘this new idea of gender expression.’ / NBC News / Screen Capture

 — Gov. Pat McCrory blamed the anti-lgbt discriminatory legislation known as House Bill 2, or HB2, on Liberals.

During a press conference, he blamed Attorney General Roy Cooper, and Charlotte Mayor, Jennifer Roberts over HB2, saying that he had no choice but to create this legislation, in response to Charlotte passing a pro-LGBT ordinance that required private businesses to allow transgender individuals to use the bathroom of their choice.

During the conference, McCrory said: “The state of North Carolina, the City of Charlotte and especially small businesses were being used as a pawns by Roy Cooper, by the mayor of Charlotte and by the Democratic Party on an issue that was made up purely for political purposes and to raise money,”

“You might need to ask the mayor of Charlotte and Roy Cooper that brought up this question, not the right.”

RELATED: Hurricane Hits and Record Floods NC, Leaves Many Dead, but Governor Pat McCrory keeps Using Public Funds To Discriminate against Transgender Women

Then he charged against media, saying: “The media, both the statewide media and the national media, give the clear impression it was the right that created the bathroom rules.”

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Most residents in the state of North Carolina are in favour of repealing the discriminatory legislation / WRAL.COM

That may be because a Republican-controlled legislature called themselves back into a special session to pass the law in one day. McCrory, a Republican, signed the measure the same day.

RELATED: Republican Texas Lt. Governor Wants Anti-Transgender Bathroom Legislation.

Source: Washington Post / WRAL.com

Transgender Girl Wins Right To Wear Female Clothes To School.

A Transgender pupil wins the right to wear female clothes to school, after hiring a solicitor to challenge teachers who sent her home for turning up in a skirt.

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Lily’s Uniform / Dailymail

Kent, UK — A transgender pupil from Chatham was left devastated when school teachers threatened to suspend her from St Simon Stock Catholic School in Maidstone for wearing the ‘wrong uniform.’

Lily, who is just one of the 1,000 pupils at her school, hired a solicitor to fight for her right to study without being discriminated against because of her gender identity.

Her solicitor sent the school details of the 2010 Equality Act, which states that a person ‘must not be discriminated against because of their gender reassignment as a transsexual’.

After a lengthy battle with her school, Lily  has now been told she can wear a school uniform for girls as well as using the girls’ toilets and changing rooms. She has also been sent a letter of apology.

In an interview with The Daily Mail, Lily said: ‘I decided to come in dressed in the girls’ dress code, which basically meant I was wearing a top instead of a shirt. It made me feel so happy, until I was sent home.’

Talking about the school’s reversal of their policy, she said: ‘I am very happy about the changes but I felt it was something I shouldn’t have had to fight so hard for, if at all.

RELATED: Scotland: The most LGBT-Friendly Country in The World.

A spokesman for the school said that staff are now receiving training relating to the issue of transgender students and gender identity.

In a statement, they said: ‘We value highly the views of all our students, and take all points of view into account as we develop.’

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Lilly is happy with the ruling but she says shouldn’t have had to fight so hard for her right to study as transgender, if at all.

‘[Gender Identity] is an important issue for us, as for schools up and down the country.”

‘As an inclusive, Catholic academy, we are confident that the attention we have given to transgender [issues / gender identity issues], including carefully listening to students, has been invaluable in us going even further to make sure all students are happy and comfortable, so that they can be as successful as possible.’

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LGBTI-Friendly country ranking / ILGA Europe

In the United Kingdom, under the Equality Act (2010) any transgender person can study, change their name and use the  bathroom of their choice. Despite being protected under law, many LGBT students believe that more can be done in terms of raising awareness and protecting us from discrimination in schools and workplaces.

While Scotland remains best country in the world for LGBTI equality, achieving 90.4% in the ILGA index, the UK as a whole has fallen behind Malta and Belgium.

Pride Flag Launched Into Space To Declare Outer Space As LGBTI-Friendly

The organisation Planting Peace sent the first pride flag into space, and in doing so, declared space LGBTQ friendly.

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Pride Flag In Outer Space / Planting Peace / Youtube (Screencap)

This initiative was carried out by same the non-profit human rights organisation that bought the ‘Equality House’ across the street from the Westboro Baptist Church, in Kansas.

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The “Equality House” owned by Planting Peace, Located right across the street from the hate-group organisation Westboro Baptist Church / Wikipedia

To achieve this, the organisers attached a GoPro camera to a high altitude balloon. The pride flag was in space for more than three hours before it made its way back to the earth.

The flag reached an altitude of 21.1 miles above the earth before it started descending.

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The Pride Flag, climbing / Youtube

According to their statement, the primary purpose of this declaration is “to support the ongoing fight for the fundamental human rights of our LGBTQ family, moving us closer to a universal understanding that all people deserve to live freely and love freely without fear and discrimination.”

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Pride Flag Ascending / Youtube

“Our hope was to create the largest safe SPACE possible for our LGBTQ community. It also offered us a chance to reinforce, in a peaceful, beautiful way, our ongoing message to our LGBTQ family:

You are loved, valued and beautiful.

There is nothing wrong with you.

You are not alone, and we will stand with you.” The statement concluded.

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Watch the video of the Flag in Space below:

 

BREAKING: Chelsea Manning Will Receive Gender Reassignment Surgery, Lawyer Confirms.

WASHINGTON, UNITED STATES — Whistleblower Chelsea Manning has endured great torment in prison since leaking State and Defence Department documents to Wikileaks in 2010, the amount of injustice Chelsea has had to suffer is almost incalculable. She came out as transgender shortly after sentenced, and, according to her lawyer, she will be receiving gender reassignment surgery.

Chelsea Manning / Uncredited / AP
Chelsea Manning / Uncredited / AP

Manning’s lawyer spoke with her on Tuesday after she was informed of the military’s decision. Manning, who is currently serving a 35-year prison sentence for violating the Espionage Act, received a recommendation from her psychologist in April in order to have her gender reassingment surgery or GRS, Buzzfeed reports.

“I am unendingly relieved that the military is finally doing the right thing. I applaud them for that. This is all that I wanted – for them to let me be me,” Manning said in a statement provided by her lawyers.

Sources say that while the US Army will not discuss the medical needs of individuals, she would be ellegible for transition, which includes SRS and HRT.

 

Source: Buzzfeed / Guardian.

92-Year Old Mum of Lesbian Daughters Has Been Going to Pride For More than 40 Years

Nothing is more inspiring and noble than a mother’s love.
Frances Goldin is a mother with a heart of gold. For the last 40 years she’s been going to LGBT pride parades supporting her lesbian daughters.

@lesbiansjpg on twitter (screencap)
@lesbiansjpg on twitter

“Since the beginning of the parade, I’ve been going and waving my sign,” Goldin said.
“It sort of hit a nerve with people, particularly those whose parents rejected them. The response to the sign is always so great — it urges me to keep going.” She told Buzzfeed.

thetrippytrip.tumblr.com
thetrippytrip.tumblr.com

The woman in this picture is the mother of Sally and Reeni, 70, and 68, who grew up on the Lower East Side of New York City with their parents and came out as lesbians soon after New York City’s first Pride Parade in 1970. The event is held annually on the last Saturday in June to commemorate the 1969 Stonewall riots.

When Sally and Reeni were asked since when did their mother go to the parades, they answered: Since the beginning!

While the original sign did not include the sentence: Keep Them Safe, she decided to include it after the 1993 LGBT march on Washington, DC. Because, in her own words, A protest sign must have had a demand.

The back of the sign reads: A proud parent of lesbians.

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Credits: Buzzfeed / Courtesy of Frances Goldin

Sally, one of her daughters, said: “She’s met people who she is still very close to at the parades, she’s a model for how parents should be behaving towards their kids.”

facebook
Facebook

 

Reeni added: “[My mother] believes in equality and fairness and what’s right. She really puts her money where her mouth is. She works for it. That’s her life. That’s just who she is.”

Source: Washington Post / Buzzfeed