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Blog: My Experiences Dating as a Transexual Woman And Some Tips

Do you think that dating is hard? Try dating as a lesbian, demisexual, transsexual woman in her thirties.

We all need a little romance from time to time.  You are never too old to start playing the dating game.

Dating as trans is hard and often dangerous, but if you take good care of yourself, it can (and most likely will) also be super fun and rewarding!

*hey, you, if you want to go straight to the tips and skip my experiences dating, just scroll down to the sub titles. Otherwise keep reading. 

Also, I think it’s worth mentioning that I am demisexual, which basically means that I simply don’t feel any sexual attraction unless I have developed a strong, meaningful bond with somebody first.

Being demi is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it is bad because it limits my dating pool to a small number of women who only want to have a serious, committed, long-term relationship but, on the other hand, it is good because I don’t put myself up for casual dating and all of its potential risks involved (such as STDs, sexual abuse, rape, etcetera)

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against casual dating and open relationships. It’s just not my thing.

So I was ready to start playing the dating game, and because casual dating was not an option, no dating apps were involved. Only real-life, old-school dating! Yay!

I went to an LGBTQ bar almost twice a week for two months and after this period, which was quite amusing, to say the least,

 

I thought that if I could think of a few tips that would definitely cause a good impact and probably get anyone a date, Here’s my top 6 must have to date just about anyone you want.

1. Dress Appropriately And Keep A Good Personal Hygiene

This one should be a no brainer, but it is still surprising to see how so many beautiful people are turned down on dates because of an awful choice of clothing. This happens to both trans and cis ladies alike!

A regular woman in her thirties like me has to keep a discrete look, I wouldn’t go out with someone whose style and choice of clothing would make me feel a little bit embarrassed in public places.

Clothing and style are quite a big deal within the trans community worldwide, and it’s heartbreaking to see beautiful transgender ladies who get deliberately misgendered in public or treated badly (read bullied slash ridiculed) because of their poor, tasteless choice of clothing.

Unless you don’t care, the more out of the ordinary you look, the more eyes are going to set on you, and that’s when misgendering happens.

My advice would be to dress accordingly. Many, many transgender women go (badly) over the top with accessories and clothing, or dress like a petite 14-year-old teenage girl when they are 6’2” tall and a large build.

Big, tall ladies can be pretty too if they pick the right clothes for their body shape and size. Find out what looks best for your anatomy. There are plenty of fashion tips on sites like Pinterest and youtube where you can get ideas from.

As per personal hygiene. This is a big must. Personally, I am turned off by girls who don’t keep themselves well. It’s a personal preference, and I’m sure it’s the preference of a lot of people in the western world, too!

So, to recap: Dress according to your age, body shape, and size. Keep a good personal hygiene and good breath at all times! Avoid drinking alcohol,  and smoking during your date. Apart from looking awful, it gives you bad breath and most women don’t like to go out with someone who drinks, does drugs or smokes.

2. Be a little mysterious

But don’t go over the top either. While it’s true that no one likes a doormat, no one likes someone who ignores you for days on end either.  Being a little mysterious is not going to hurt. Play hard to get a little bit.  Get them interested in you, get them to chase you around a little. Trust me on this.

I understand that finding true love is a big deal in the transgender community, specially for straight transgender women who have to deal with fetishists and perverted men on a regular basis. However, because they want to fall in love so desperately they often blow it when they find the right match because they came off too strong or overly exited.

You need to like yourself, be comfortable with yourself. That will give you confidence. To get a confidence boost, try socializing outside social media more often. Joining an art workgroup, or a course on something are great ways to get you socializing with peers that have things in common with you other than your gender identity.

3. Be Genuine

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist in order to be interesting, well maybe a little. Just kidding.

While it is true that a lot of us are attracted to intelligent people, you don’t have to impress a woman in order to get her to like you. Just be genuine, even if you are the most monotonous, boring person in the whole world. So, to recap, if all you do is to draw pictures of snails on your sketchbook, you can still cause a great impression and make girl melt with the right delivery and body language. Be genuine.

 

4. Look interested, look in the eyes, but don’t stare.

When you are talking to your date, try to show yourself relaxed and warm. Look in the eyes, smile, show yourself human, vulnerable, let your soul be seen by your date.

DO NOT STARE.

Let me say it again: DO..NOT..STARE..

Staring can come across as mega creepy.
Also, try to show some confidence when you speak. there’s nothing more disappointing that someone who feels uneasy during a date. If you do feel nervous, which happens to all of us when the date is promising, just say it. Be honest about it, it’s endearing.

5. Don’t friendzone yourself unless you want a friendship.

Most people who complain about being consistently friendzoned by their potential dates are usually doing it themselves.

Yes, Seriously!

While there’s no magic recipe for seducing everyone you want, if you are getting friendzoned too often, it probably has nothing to do with your looks, your hygiene or your social status (although, like I said above, good breath, nice posture, nice clothes and accessories and a good attitude help) It probably has to do with the way you are introducing yourself, and how you are approaching your date.

Different cultures react differently to certain things, but as a rule of thumb, if you have a romantic interest in a girl, you better start flirting with her from day one or you’re only sending a very confusing signal that will only get you friendzoned if you are lucky.

Even if you are bad at flirting, just let your date know clearly what your intentions are. If you find yourself unable to talk during the date, write a note before you go.

6. When to move for the kiss?

This one is a toughie. I would advise you to try simple things like holding your date’s hands, stroking their skin, test the waters. If your date takes the hand away or feels rather uncomfortable, do not go for the kiss. Test the waters. Always test the waters.

 

Have you gone on dates as trans or are you going out on a date soon? I would love to hear about your experiences!! Tell me your stories in the comments section below!

By Ellie Hope
Ellie on Facebook and Twitter 

EDITOR NOTE:

Hi everybody 🙂 My name is Ellie and I am the founder and director of Girlthings News.

I’m running out of personal funds to keep this site up and running for much longer. I am not here to ask you for money, but if you don’t mind to disable adblock on your browser so my ads can be displayed that would help enormously.

Unlike many sites, my site uses non-intrusive, safe adverts from Google INC. and Amazon. No popups, no tricks, no adware, no bull… Safe ads.

Please whitelist my site so I can get adverts to pay for the opereating costs and I can keep deliverying news and articles for free.

Thank you so much!!!

Ellie Hope Crowe-Van Leeuwen.

 

 

 

Are Trans Lesbians Real Lesbians?

I came across a meme on the internet that read: “Trans lesbians are lesbians, get over it.” 

Copyright (C) 2017 / Pixabay

Are trans lesbians real lesbians? Seems like a no-brainer, but it’s a bit more complicated than that.

What is a real lesbian anyway?

Without falling into a game of semantics, we can all agree that a lesbian is a woman who is exclusively attracted to other women. Right?

There is no easy way to approach this topic, but as a transsexual lesbian, this is what I think, and I welcome everybody to share your thoughts in the comments section below.

Gender identity, just like sexuality, doesn’t develop overnight. It’s a lengthy process for the most part so, naturally, there will be people who know they are women inside, who are legitimately attracted to other women, independently of the way they look, and this is basically what being a lesbian means.

It doesn’t mean that other lesbians will perceive you socially as a lesbian, it only means that you believe that you ARE one.

The disagreement stems from the socially-perceived image of what a woman should be and, the most discriminatory one: How a woman should look like. 

The most radical lesbians have some high standards for what makes a woman a real woman, and therefore a lesbian woman, a real lesbian woman.

There are lots and lots of discriminatory standards, but the most common ones are:

  1. Real lesbians should have XX chromosomes
  2. Transgender lesbians should be passable if they want to be taken seriously
  3. Transgender lesbians should do a “full transition” (which is strictly referring to performing a vaginoplasty)

The problem with these three statements is that they don’t stand to logic, or any rational thinking, for that matter.

Now, to debunk some myths:

The chromosome excuse always struck me as some kind of half-bothered attempt at trying to exclude transsexual women from womanhood in a rather uninformed and childish way. As a neurobiology student, I can confirm (with tangible evidence) that the gender of humans is determined by a small region in the nervous system, which has nothing to do with whatever set of chromosomes you were born with.

Some people heard about the myth that all women are XX and all men are XY without knowing very well what a chromosome pair is and what does it do. I, in turn, know what a nervous system is and how it works.

The passing excuse is a bit far fetched and discriminatory on itself. Every time I hear this argument I think to myself: Who sets the standard?

 

When it comes to anatomy, I know a lot of cisgender women who are much taller, wider and masculine-looking than myself. Would you say that, for example, a super pretty woman like Taylor Swift is trans just because she’s taller than me? Probably not.

Would you say that Ellen Degeneres is trans because her voice pitch is lower than mine? or that Hope Solo is trans because she’s bigger and stronger than me?

So who sets the standard?

 

The surgical reconstruction of genitals is not ideal. This reconstruction is known, in the transgender world, as GRS or SRS, which stand for Gender Reassignment Surgery or Sex Reassignment Surgery, respectively.

These procedures do not convert masculine genitals into female genitals. These procedures eliminate the testicles, reduces the size of the urethra and converts the penis gland into some kind of clitoris, where in most cases, for all intents and purposes, works like a working vagina.

But transsexual women who perform any of these surgical procedures on themselves are not getting working female genitals. Science still has to come a long way until some major breakthrough in these procedures provides transsexual individuals with a working uterus and ovaries. Transsexual women who perform an SRS/GRS still need to shoot themselves with estradiol shots since their main organ for producing a sex hormone is gone, and they have no ovaries to produce oestrogen naturally in large quantities.

My advice, as a psychologist, and as a somewhat-experienced transexual woman, would be to simply wait. Upon doubt, just wait. We don’t know if, within five or ten years time, a fully working reproductive system will be a reality. Don’t settle for something you may not absolutely need when you can wait for better options. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you are incomplete because you don’t want or cannot get surgery in your private areas.

So if no vaginoplasty is required to obtain your woman card, no anatomy can determine what your gender is, and chromosomes are proven to determine sex but not gender, then who can tell, apart from yourself, what a real lesbian is?

If you consider yourself a woman, independently of your biology, and you are sexually and/or romantically attracted to other women, independently of their biology, then you are probably a lesbian, but then again, the decision is exclusively yours.

 

By Ellie Hope (@elliehopeauthor on Facebook/Twitter

 

 

Blog: A Transgender Woman’s Open Letter To Our Partners And Mamma Bears

 

Follow Ellie On Twitter / @elliehopeauthor

Simply thank you for loving us, for not giving up on us. For inspiring others.

Laverne Cox said once that loving a transgender woman was a rebellious act.

As a transgender woman myself, it’s heartwarming to see your rebelliousness, your courage; your selfless and unconditional love.

I know that it has not been easy for you. I know that a lot of communities turn you away; I have confronted those transgender people myself. Those transgender people who fear you for being comfortable with your own sex and gender you were born with. Those who think there is nothing to gain in extending themselves to another person outside of their experiences. Those who dare call you scum without knowing anything about you, your mission or your selfless love for your trans partner, or the love you have for your transgender child.

I know it has not been easy for you to let our old selves go, and I know that it’s not easy for a straight woman to fall in love with another woman’s soul.

Yet, here you are. Loving, listening, supporting, Feeling proud.

Thank you for inspiring others, for doing more when everyone else is just talking. Thank you for the things that you taught me, the tips that you’ve given me, and for holding me in your loving arms every time you’ve heard me weeping unconsolably.

Thank you for comforting us, for confronting the bullies and the haters, those who want to inspect our chromosomes before letting us into a public bathroom. Those who think that our future is theirs to choose.

I did not choose to be trans, but you did have the choice. You had the opportunity to ignore me and walk out on me, and you didn’t.

– Ellie

You Are More Attractive Than You Think, Study Confirms.

There is nothing more beautiful than a confident woman.

Research shows that people perceive you at least 20 per cent more attractive than you think you are. That’s because, when you look in the mirror, you’re simply judging yourself on looks, but there’s more than looks alone that makes one attractive.

A confident, happy, spontaneous and intelligent woman will be perceived as much more attractive than she thinks she is.

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In their book, The Complete Formula For Looking And Feeling Beautiful, Doctor Eva Ritvo and Dr Debra Luftman share some of the secrets that we are all looking after: How can we look and feel more beautiful.

I always believed that true beauty comes from within, and in my quest for answers, I stumbled upon this blog post by Dr. Eva Ritvo, in which she explains this interesting concept she calls: The Beauty-Brain Loop.

“The women you know who are genuinely magnetic, who draw every eye when they enter a room–they aren’t just about good looks. They’re confident, passionate, fulfilled and quick-witted. They’re beautiful from all angles. That’s the kind of complete beauty that optimizing the Beauty-Brain Loop can help any woman achieve.” She says.

article391104-girlthingsdotnet

The Loop is a holistic system with four parts:

1. Inner Beauty: Your self-esteem, attitude, sense of purpose, love for others and compassion.

2. Health: Fitness, diet, weight control, medical checkups, habits.

3. Outer Beauty: Your skin and skincare, hair, nails, cosmetics use, wardrobe and anything else that determines your external “packaging.”

4. Environment: How people respond to you socially, how you create and see beauty around you and enrich your relationships.

“When you enhance any one stage of the Beauty-Brain Loop, you’ll see positive changes in all the others. That’s how the system works. Even if the improvements are small and incremental, you’re going to feel more beautiful, and when you feel more beautiful, you ARE more beautiful. That’s the most important lesson of all.” She adds.

Source: Dailymail / Psychology Today 

14 Surprisingly Tall Celebs and their Style Secrets

I’m a tall girl! At 5’10”, I tower over a lot of people. If you are a tall girl like me, worry not! Some of the prettiest, and most influential celebrities, including America’s First Lady, Michelle Obama, are also surprisingly tall!

Here are another 14 celebs who are rockin’ their height..

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Blake Lively. 5’10” (177.5cm)

 

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Duchess Of Cambridge. 5’10” (177.5cm)

 

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Elle McPherson. 6’0” (182cm)

 

gisele_Bundchen_girlthingsdotnet
Gisele Bundchen. 5’11” (180cm)

 

jenna_elfman
Jenna Elfman. 5’10” (177.5cm)
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Khloe Kardashian. 5’10” (177.5cm)

 

NEW YORK, NY - MAY 15:  Actress Laura Prepon attends the "Orange Is The New Black" season two premiere at Ziegfeld Theater on May 15, 2014 in New York City.  (Photo by Theo Wargo/Getty Images)
Laura Prepon. 5’10” (177.5cm)

 

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Liv Tyler. 5’10” (177.5cm)

 

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Maria Sharapova. 6’2” (187cm)

 

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Michelle Obama. 5’10” (177.5cm)

 

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Nicole Kidman. 5’11” (180cm)

 

09/14/2009 - Taylor Swift - 2009 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals - Radio City Music Hall, 1260 Avenue of the Americas - New York City, NY, USA - Keywords:  - 0 -  - Photo Credit: Janet Mayer / PR Photos - Contact (1-866-551-7827)
Taylor Swift. 5’11” (180cm)

 

NEW YORK - MAY 03: TV personality Tyra Banks attends the  4th annual New York Times Sunday with the Magazine at TheTimesCenter on May 3, 2009 in New York City.  (Photo by Joe Kohen/WireImage)
Tyra Banks. 5’11” (180cm)
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Uma Thurman. 6’0” (182cm)

 

5 Things Successful Women Do On Monday Mornings

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If you want to be successful, then you can’t sit around and wait for amazing things to happen to you. That almost never happens.  Most entrepreneurs set a daily routine that helps us stay organised and focused throughout the day. In this article I will reveal some of the tips that help me achieve my daily goals.

1: Wake Up Early

No matter how tired you are. Stretch, Yawn, Go for a walk (Have you tried Pokemon Go?) Truth is: The longer you stay in bed, the less time you have to reach your goals for the day. The road to success starts by waking up early. No matter if you stayed up late the night before or not.

2: Set a daily goal before breakfast

Every successful woman has a plan. Set a little goal for the day. Anything. Clean the house, tidy your desk, do the groceries, apply for that photography course. Set a little goal and achieve it before the evening sets in. You will feel good when you have achieved your goal.

3: Reply to all of your messages on your social networks, texts and e-mails

Part of my daily routine, while I’m sipping on my warm cup of coffee in the morning, is to reply to all of my text messages, e-mails and messages on different social networks such as my Facebook or my Twitter accounts.

Take your time to answer to your work colleagues and contacts. Steer clear of robots and automated reply software. Take some time to personally reply to all of these messages and you will come across as more professional and caring.

4: Make TO-DO lists and cross the items off as you get them done

Remember Tip #2? split your goal into tiny little goals, write them down on a list and cross them off as you get them done. This way you can stay more organised and spend your time more efficiently.

5: Take a two-hour break to do anything you want.

You will naturally run out of energy at some point during the day. Watch a film, read another chapter of that novel you bought last month. Log into your twitter or instagram and share some thoughts with friends and colleagues, text your friends and organise a girls-only night out some time during the week. When the time’s up, go back to your list and see what is left to do.

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The Horror: 7 Broken Makeup Disasters

I accidentally drop my makeup quite often, to be honest. Blame it on my clumsy hands. :p

The horror, the shock, the pain. I totally get you. Don’t panic, though. A lot of things can be fixed, though.

Can you relate to any of them? Eek!

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hell no :'(
hell no :'(

 

Ouch
Ouch

 

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omg

horror-4

horror-5

 

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lol! 🙁
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broken beyond repair

8 Gorgeous Dressing Tables

Dressing Tables are every girl’s dream. I’ve always wanted my ‘hollywood lights’ ever since I was a little girl.

These are some gorgeous ideas for dressing tables. Enjoy ^.^

Gorgeous Dressing table (girlthings.net) Gorgeous Dressing table (girlthings.net) Gorgeous Dressing table (girlthings.net)

Gorgeous Dressing table (girlthings.net) Gorgeous Dressing table (girlthings.net) Gorgeous Dressing table (girlthings.net)

Gorgeous Dressing table (girlthings.net) Gorgeous Dressing table (girlthings.net)

Do you like these dressing tables? which is your favourite style? let me know in the comments below!